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How to be a happy person

I wanted to talk to my tribe a bit about how to be happy all the time! I want you to feel GOOD no matter what! Even if you want something you do not yet have. (Which is all of us, right? We are always desiring something... that IS the human experience!)

As a wellness coach, I have taken steps I have learned from spiritual masters Wayne Dyer and Abraham-Hicks and I hope you implement them! It's not like we aren't ever going to experience feeling down, disappointed, frustrated, upset, angry, betrayed...devastated even. But if we have the skills to effectively and quickly get back to a better feeling state of emotion, even despite what is going on around us, why wouldn't we want to practice those skills? It makes life so much better! And the better we feel, the better our life gets. 

I want you to look at every goal, everything you want, material, emotional, or otherwise, as having two ends to it. Polar opposites. Two ends of the same stick. Yin and yang. What I mean is, every subject is actually two subjects: what is desired and the lack of or opposite of what you desire. You decide what side you will be focused upon, when trying to reach any feeling, goal or desire.

Think about it! We want to lose weight… the desire is to have a strong, lean, healthy body. But the opposite end of that same subject is experiencing the LACK of feeling fit, which can elicit feelings of being overweight, weak and unhealthy. These lead to feelings of low self-worth, and then the leads to perpetuating a cycle of not reaching your goals and letting yourself down. So, when we have a desire (any desire), it is important that we focus on the HAVING of that desire, NOT the lack of it. Make sense? Act “as if” you have already attained your desire. For reals.

We always have a choice about how we choose to feel: One way of thinking about our desire brings us closer to manifesting and realizing the fruition of our goals, the other takes us down a much slower, opposite directional path. For this program, we will be working on “re-wiring” our brain to focus on, both emotionally and with our thoughts, what we DO want, and not the lack of it. We have to “see it before we can experience it.” I am talking about seeing it in your mind. Feeling it in your mind. It’s such a powerful practice!

This sounds easy and it is! However, our negative inner-mind chatter can be a powerful entity that can hinder our desire to only focus on the positive “achieving” of a goal. It is not as simple as simply focusing on what you do want. Sometimes, without our knowing, blockades in belief, thought and emotion disallow the free flow of energy towards our goals. (Think: self-sabotage). This is where an awareness of our inner mind chatter and a dedication to gently changing it is very important. One time-tested way to clear out our negative thoughts daily is through a daily meditation (or prayer) practice. This is key is calming and clearing your mind and aligning yourself with good feeling thoughts to go about your day. Attracting what you desire is about self-love, letting go of what thoughts are not serving you, aligning with your goals, be happy where you are at, and then taking INSPIRED action (not forced motivation) towards those goals. Here are five simple steps to help you get started! Adopt these steps, and then see what transformational changes can occur! 

  1. Meditation or prayer: Daily every morning for 15 minutes! You can always take a break during the day or in the evening as well, especially if you don’t get it in the morning. But, we highly recommend doing first thing in the morning. Set your alarm for 15 minutes earlier! Meditation is pretty simple: sit or lay down comfortably, start with deep breaths, and then resume normal breathing. Focus on something very mundane… a background noise like a fan, air conditioner, meditation music or your breathing. When you feel your mind wandering into thought, gently bring it back to focus. In time, your mind will remain empty and clear, even if for a few minutes. At this point, you have a clean slate. Now its time to write mental impressions of self-love and positivity! Usually at the end of the mediation is a great time to begin thinking and feeling positive thoughts to get momentum going for a great day. I create statements that often begin with “I am” and start saying those to myself until I feel a great sense of ease, enjoyment and satisfaction. (Examples: I am full of love, l am serene, I am creating the body I want, I am happy and fulfilled, I am allowing for fun, I am allowing good things to flow to me, I am feeding my body well, I am connected to my inner self…..). Feeling good, feeling relaxed, feeling inspired, feeling satisfied, feel appreciate… focus on all of these types of feelings when creating your mantras. Your mantras should make you feel good. List your versions of your I am statements to say to yourself during meditation and throughout the day: 1. 2. 3. 4. 5.

  2. Journal of positive aspects: Every day, at a time of your choosing, write down your list of all the positive aspects in your life. Try to fill 1-3 pages a day in your journal or notebook. This is different than your personal empowerment mantras… because you can get specific about any good thing in your life… material, spiritual, mental, emotional ... anything! Appreciate the flowers in your garden, to the music on the radio, to your favorite picture in your house, to a helpful friend, to the workings of your digestive system… anything. Have fun with this and dedicate 5-10 minutes per day in your journal. You can even list subjects and write many things you appreciate about one subject, place, person or thing!

  3. Get outside 10-30 minutes every day: This is so important! Whether it’s a walk in the evening or drinking coffee on your patio in the morning, please make an inspired intention to get outside every day. Once outside, greatly appreciate all the big and little things nature has to offer. Again, we are engendering in ourselves the feelings of joy, satisfaction and appreciation. Don’t skip this step, it is a vital one. Tune into nature, whatever the weather (easy in San Diego!), whatever time of day, and live in the moment.

  4. Acknowledge your higher power: This step is as personal and varied as the number of people on the planet but take a few moments each and every day to acknowledge, feel and appreciate a high source of energy. Preferably outside or near a window, look up and outward and acknowledge the universal forces that are focused at you. Call those forces whatever name applies to your belief (universe, God, soul, spirit, etc.). Acknowledge and appreciate continued focus on your well-being, be conscious in the awareness that this energy is always with you, appreciating you, assisting, you, inspiring you, guiding you, loving you and uplifting you.

  5. Notice your emotions throughout the day: the more we practice these steps, the more we become aware of our thoughts and feelings. The better we feel, the more we feel uncomfortable when we have a negative feeling. This is a good thing! We want to be able to begin to shift and gentle guide ourselves out of negative emotions by self-soothing ourselves with the tools given above. We want to be able to remain happy even when people around us are bringing us negative responses and emotions. We want to be able to react less and observe more. When we get more powerfully adept at self-soothing and redirecting our feelings, it won’t matter as much what is going on around us; we can remain happy, calm and positive even when faced with challenges. When we feel those negative reactions or thoughts creep in, acknowledge them, turn away from them, and start thinking about anything else that makes you feel good. Learning to direct our minds is a lifelong journey, but one of the most powerful tools we have in creating the life we want, reaching any goals, and living a life of bliss.

Try to adopt these steps each and every day! This work “behind the scenes” makes the effort we put in to any goal WAY more profoundly transformative.

It’s all a journey, enjoy the process.

Speaking of “enjoying the process,” what does that really mean? I used to get annoyed at that statement… it made me feel frustrated, annoyed and impatient. I think because I didn’t quite understand its meaning until recent years.

Nowadays, I have come to understand that the phrase “enjoying the journey” is about how we FEEL during the in-between space between the budding of our desire and the completion or manifestation of it. Our own happiness, our joy, our satisfaction, how we feel day to day, should NOT be dependent on external circumstances. Our happiness comes from within. Our alignment (a word with many descriptions, but let’s just say our peace of mind, our connection to ourselves, our happy and healthy emotions) should be our first and foremost priority, and is not dependent on the actions of others, the completion of a task or the reaching of a goal. Our alignment is our ability to feel GOOD regardless of the situation around us. That is true power. That is true confidence. That is unconditional love. And THAT is enjoying the journey. #mindfullness #wellnesscoach


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